Today's been an odd one. Dajuan nor I made it into work, Mother Nature had other plans. I was sure it was going to be a full day of relaxation. Pajamas, hot chocolate and working remotely on my laptop... none of which really happened. Braylon was wired. Everything is either MOMMA or NO these days! The first 20 times it's cute after several hours and him not letting up my nerves began to thin.
I've always struggled with the guilt of not being a stay at home mom-- or even a work from home mom. Today cemented the fact that working from home with a toddler is an impossible feat. Luckily, the calls I made today found his "MOMMA" repetition quite cute.
So, here I sit, 9 pm finishing up what I was hoping to complete early afternoon. In all honesty, a day with Braylon trumps work anyways. When I look at him I see so much life and innocence. He has no idea how big and cruel this world is; truth be told, I never want him too. Life is full of disappointments and struggles, bullies and trials; as a mother I cringe when I think that one day he will face each and every one of those. Soon he'll be two and the days of him loving on me in public will fade but right now, today, in this moment, I am fully aware of how blessed I am. I love looking at Braylon's little smile and reminding myself no matter how upset or discouraged I feel, I have a healthy little boy living in a perfect little world depending on ME to keep his world that way. After all, I'm MOMMA ya know.
These past few days I've got lost in the fact that it's the simple things in life, like Braylon that fulfill me... not a stupid position at work, money, taking a trip or a new outfit. So many times during the week I find myself saying this is God's plan not mine; yet, I time and time again attempt at making it mine. I'm well aware of my capabilities, my goals and most importantly my Creator. I'm so thankful for Him giving me Braylon who will always be my reminder that God's time isn't mine. So yes, today was odd but in a good way. I needed today. I needed a day to bring me back to the things that make life simple and fun.
Happy Snowday, xO.